I am so loving life right now I say this because i have an art show coming up with myself an other artist I can not wait for it this is what i have been dreaming of a chance to show my art work to the public this so amazing i finally get to do me life now a days feel more like blessing to I am loving every minute of it and I will not let the bitter ones steal my joy nor my happiness I am in love with state I am in and I couldn't be more happier with it its like a breath of fresh air to me like some one has giving me a reason to live again and for that I am grateful and I feel blessed just to be living before I would walk around in a downward spiral but now I know for sure that my life has meaning and the main one I give thanks to is the Lord above for his many blessings I am so inspired by his greatness and wrapped up in his love an Lord I thank you ...

why is it that when you true like some one and you are together some one has to hate on the two of you making you feel like he ain't no good but me listen to the he say she say bullshit of others brakes up the two you to the point were you want to make thing right if we ever get time to talk if possible or even he feels like talking to me I do feel like we could had a goon thing going but Idk even though i do care about this person I just hope I can make thing right between us he is just so sweet but I also need to keep my mouth shut about it as well be cause my fault that were are not together right now but I hope I can come to some common ground because I have been liking him for a while now and i am not stopping till i can talk to him just once to apologize for my mistake.

this life is crazy if ask me i had the most strange dream last night but I think it had a deeper meaning it was like this I was walking down this road long road I may add and this three way paths opens up be for me the one on the left the sky was dark stormy thunder and this booming voice says to me fallow this path it will lead you to your destiny but in my dream I am think to my self do I trust this voice and another voice yelled out telling me to fallow that path  that lead straight down the middle and the sky over this road was a little lighter than than the last one and a voice says unto me fallow this path for it will lead to your destiny and I stood there with mix feelings about the first two then I turn to the path that was well lit brightly lit and a voice said to me in a gentle voice that seam so inviting what ever road you chose will lead you to a certain destination but I can not tell you which one to chose you will have to have to make decision on your own and the voice also says to me if you can pick the right one you can see your future unfold before you but the thing about was the destinations of the three paths were all mixed up so I stand not knowing what to do if
I take the darkened path will it lead to some thing great even though there is a greater struggle ahead or do I take the middle path the were that destination is uncertain as well if i was to fallow it were would it lead me I still stand confused and with lighter path it may look like it would be smooth road to take but what would be in store for me if I do take it and as was getting ready to take a step two of the paths crumble and the only path that was still standing was the dark path thinking to my self does this path mean that there will thing I've gotta go through in order to get were i wanna be it still had me puzzled with so many questions it was like taking a test with no pencil and the voice says once again WELL THE CHOICE IS YOURS and after he spoke I woke up ???????

AT WAR

I AM AT WAR SIMPLY TORN BETWEEN WHAT'S RIGHT AND WHAT'S WRONG HOW CAN I CARRY ON KNOWING MY BODY FEELS WEAK AND MY HEARTS NOT THAT STRONG BUT YET THE BATTLE GOES ON LIKE A NEVER ENDING ROAD NOTHING BUT BAGGAGE SUCH A HEAVY LOAD BUT YET THE BATTLE CONTINUES AND STILL RAGES ON SHOULD I WAVE MY FLAG OR STAND TALL AND COURAGEOUSLY BATTLE ON OR GIVE IN ADMITTING DEFEAT LET THIS THING TAKE OVER AND CALL IT A NIGHT NO IT MAYBE A BATTLE BUT WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT BE CAUSE THIS THING I FEEL IS BIGGER THAN ME MIGHT BE TINY COMPARED TO OTHER BATTLES I HAVE FACED IN THE PASS IT IS AND IT HAS BEEN A HAZY BATTLE AT TIME A CRAZY BATTLE FOR GOODNESS SAKE NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES NOW HOW MUCH MY HEART MAY BREAK OR MY FAITH MAY SHAKE I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT BREAK AMONG SO MANY MISTAKES I HAVE MADE AND WILL MAKE EVEN THOUGH ITS HARD TO GET THING STRAIGHT AND AT TIMES I GIVE MORE THAN I CAN TAKE AND SOME POINT IN MY LIFE ITS HARD TO BARE SO MANY THING GO WRONG AND I ACT LIKE I DON'T CARE AT ALL BUT WHEN I FALL I FALL WOMEN DOWN! I CAVE NOT KNOWING JUST WHAT HAVE DONE KNOWING THIS BATTLE I AM FIGHTING IS NOT YET WON AND BUT FEEL AT TIMES THAT MY HOPE IS GONE AND ONCE AGAIN I LOOK BACK ON WHO I'VE HURT AND WHAT WENT WRONG THE PEOPLE I HAVE HURT AND THE PAIN I HAVE CAUSED AND WHAT I HAVE LOST AND AT WHAT COST ???.

I have thinking about a lot things lately lie reevaluating my life and the way I do things like one thing I do think about is this why do I talk about my sister like a dog but I am always in her face laughing with her and her knowing that how I feel about her still remains yes she does frustrate me like crazy and it like if you have a problem with me tell me but I know she won't I will just continue to be the but of her jokes like usual I may not like but it what can I do I can try to to tell her how I feel but knowing her she won't care because to me she is not that touchy person how to talk to someone when you know there heart seems harden for what ever reason I have my own things to work on I know like the way I am with people or even or act toward people including my own family because I feel like I am distant from them and I feel that way because of how I act around them for example its the way I am so disrespectful towards them I say my little things I say  when I get angry or upset but I shouldn't get so up set that i call my mother a bitch at times that's or what have you or say what any harsh about her or any one I sit up there talking like I am the victim when I know I am also part of the problem or that situation so why should I keep continuing to act like I am not the problem when in actuality I am if I didn't act like its all about me all the times and actually and open my eyes and see the big picture and to know and realize that there are other people involved that are effected by my actions and things I say or do but I am to busy stuck in la la land and not reality I need to learn to grow and understand as an adult because right know I am still in childish mode to afraid to face the truth about not just life but about my self deeply that's why I feel at times I feel so alone because that's how I feel the way I am headed if I don't own up to the mistakes that I have made ....

yes I am so tired of people trying to bring up my past and through it in my face I mean come on really I know what I have done in past why bring it over and over again like its okay to dwell about it I have don things in my life not even my own mother is not proud of and I no I am ashamed of but you know what I am also learning to come to pass with my past and trying to forgive it and the ones who hurt me but I need to practice
a little more of that forgiveness TO BE CONTINUED....

self thought

I love having time to my self because it gives me time to reflect on some of the issues in my life like where my  life is really headed or even on my love life witch is not going so well at this point and time still single of course or even one day having a family a little girl running around the house and if not that then other things in general but it gives me time to think about whats really important in my life like things I can do to improve my life for the better and that is one reason I love to blog also it gives me a chance to express my self in away that I would never imagine like no matter what I am going through I can express my self through the written  word that's why I enjoy it so much its like writing a book were you narrate the story and its the story of you the good the bad the ups and downs of life its self that why when my sister comes around I just sit back and listen even if she is dogging me out just to show out in front of her friends like what I have to say does not matter but if I can't express y self word of mouth whats in my heart I will right it down or in this case type it but if she ever read my blogs then she would have a different perspective on how I really feel more so than just saying nothing and let the bullshit that's why all the things I do write about I would love to turn it into a book not really a tell all book but a book about my thoughts my feelings on different thing and situations covering all aspects of my life starting from were it all began to where I am know just so I can say "MY LIFE IS AN OPEN BOOK I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!!" because we all have a story to tell I am ready to put it out there with no regrets of doing so just to show not only the world who I am but those who ever hurt me and those I have hurt also no holding back .