life is extremely crazy if you ask me but i'm sure you know that already though but i am sitting here thinking about all the hell and shit i have put my parents through the last pass 28 years and i feel like yeah at times they did piss me off but out of all that i feel what i did in my life i brought it on myself and i am starting to see why me and mom are so distant because one thing is that every time she would give me ad vice i would go and cling to my father which is not right i should have at least sat and talked it out with her and ask questions to get a better understanding of why it is the way it is but i don't i cop an attitude like a child an storm off and that not cool my mother as told me that if i had anything to talk to her tell her but my thing is if she does not have the time to here me or "WHAT SHE THINKS" i have to say and she should be the one to talk to in any given time . to be continued

i do have a problem is the first thing i would like to admit my thing is taking from the ones who love me the most yes i do steal and i do have a problem with it i do struggle with this i don't care to admit it all i have taking things so much that it has not just became a habit it has become a problem and i feel that i need to seek help because its my mother that i am taking things from and it crazy she has done all she can for me and know she hates me for it because its like that's the way i re pay her is to steal who am i to do this to some who gave me life carried me for nine months she does not owe me a damn thing here i am cutting open scars that won't heal unless i  let them some of them  may need stitches because there bigger than may appear and instead of healing the scares that are already there i keep cutting more scars or poring salt on the ones that are already there is how i really  feel and its like i don't give a fuck or have remorse for the shit i have and is still putting her through till this day this is the part of me i hate the i don't give a fuck part that has this built up anger toward a woman that has not only showed me love but has been through a lot with me growing up i write things down because its hard for me to say what i need to say word of mouth but here it is .

its crazy how i always manage to mess every thing up in my life time like taking things to the point no one wants me around any more and i wonder why people stay distant from me because of  my bad habits and i am starting to see why now and there is no excuse for what i do it inexcusable me knowing idled hands are the devils dirty work that i do understand that but why does my heart and head have this constant battle between each other my heart said what right but my head for ever leads me astray i know right from wrong so if that the case why am i like this they say if you do something over and over the its no longer a habit it be comes a problem and a i am ready to admit that i do have a problem in life in taking things what ever and i feel i need to get help because it has been going for to long i have been arrested two time over the dumb stuff 

i should think that would have taught me lesson by now but i am still on the same dumb shit and worst when someone confronts me about it i lie and say anything even  though they already know what i have done i don't think i know who i am any more it seems like i have jacked my life to the point were if look in the mirror i do know the person looking back at me not at all and the constant questions i have to ask my self who am i what have i become why have i become this and when will it end does it end thinking about it i hate who iv'e become and why should i keep living like this i am not a person i am a shell of my once former self and do need help i do i say this because it has gone to far i do not like who i have become+. 

its crazy how much that women pinches a nerve i swear it and its always getting more than a little old my mother she will never understand me or what makes me who i am see with me and here we are like day and night it seams like she doesn't do anything unless she get an okay from my baby sister and she is twenty five now and to me its crazy

why do i take things and then lie about it like its no big thing and they ask me why and i have no answer for them i can see why no one would want me around because i take things that does not belong to me and i will admit that this is one of  my biggest wrongs it like my and to lie about it is even worst i do have a problem and i am admitting to it all this i never said i was perfect who is and i am not striving for it either but i am willing to blog to the world about it i keep getting myself into things that can't get out of it like i am digging my self in to a bigger ditch and left myself stranded with no one there to help me out i don't think any one can unless i either choose to want to be help or until i help myself

there is more to me than what you see on the surface i don't know if you know it and i don't always show it that beautiful side of me that side that some may know about but has rarely seen that fulfilling side that can only be me filled with such desire passion and fire and true admiration  this side of me that is such a sensation if they only knew me and sweet that can be if only they could see the better side that part that will give all i can give and live until i take my last breath until there is nothing left if there is not anything else i'll give my self my heart my soul time to let it all unfold they don't know the stories untold that part of me that shines brighter than the purest gold that crazy side of me that's extremely bold .

see a bad man is like a cheep bottle of wine it may look good on the outside but they always seem to leave a bitter after taste and you see a good man is like a bottle of vintage wine tangy, sweet, sexy and smooth and good with almost anything and at times hard to find if you ask me i say that because its true at times but also you gotta know what your looking for also if your looking for something a little inexpensive you may go with something you can get at your local gas station up the street if your looking for something expensive try something with good spirits ones with good spirits have great taste if you get me i am saying this because a great man is hard to find.