to those who criticize (never be afraid of who you are)

there is something wrong with those who mock and and tease those who are different if they would justo the hell  close there mouth open there ears and listen who are you to judge me for who I am or what I have done they say words don't hurt but they cut like knife pierce like daggers with every harsh word that comes out of your mouth no matter what say or what I do you think your better than me just because I'm a little different life is to short for any one to mock or mention how the next person acts or how they are or who they are not knowing what that person is capable of  they want to sit and criticize and over look ever aspect of the next persons life but they act like there to scared to scared to pass judgement on there own life or there to ashamed to look in the mirror and face the person looking back them what is there to be afraid of  take a look and tell me what you see I am only human me being criticize for what I know I am not perfect and I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but you sit up there like your on high horse and try to down talk me like your life is all good I will admit yes I am not perfect but the way I see it is people like to talk about you to other people but the don't have the decency to talk about you to so you can get that grasp of knowing what you need to change not only that its like you have no care of who you hurt when you say what you say about that person behind there back or whenever or where ever its like bullying by word of mouth not really physically not giving a damn on how that other person may feel or not caring at all on who they put down or let down and they won't have a clue  until it happens to them we all have thing to work out in life its self  but the constant put downs don't really help no one any if it constantly continues let me find for my self how I can really be I may be different but I also have my hopes and dreams my likes dislikes or what have you I am who I and who the hell are you to judge me I won't lie like she dogs me out in front of her friends i do the same to her to my friends it may not be right on both behalves but its like going to battle not with me but with that other person who can no seem to quit when it comes to put downs they don't give a damn a about feelings or how you feel and I hate I REALLY! do I see its how its easier to pass judgement or blame than it is to apologize for hurting that person wrongfully yes I know we have our pride but at times why can't we put that pride a side to let some one know how they feel about whatever I say GOD knows my heart and I know my heart but do they will they care enough to honestly they say things like words don't hurt they cut like a knife to the heart and to add insult to injury is like poring salt on an open womb you already hurting damn near dying already but that other person don't care they just leave you there to suffer that's how I feel about it and my question would be why ,why do this to me when you see that I am already dying if that the case just leave me here and walk away is what I am really feeling that is how it seems to me but question for the criticizer WHY?? do you really hate and despise me that much to were I am nothing but a BIG JOKE to you why is my life on display for the world to see and judge is how I deeply feel its like i have a painted smile on my face and a big red nose with floppy feet if you get what I am saying I know I need to change some things in my life but while I am working on me why not work on what needs to be worked on in there own life just saying in general mainly put toward my sister or who ever sits and criticizes the next person for what? is beyond me I am tires of it I am SICK and TIRED of it all and at times you think when will it end or will it ?  why pick and choose that same scab to peel of over and over just to watch it bleed time and again ?.

it crazy

Its crazy how even though me and my sister don't get along she still brings me up in her conversations with her little friends and it always something negative also but its crazy how so much negativity can come out one person as I said once before she for ever makes me the but of her conversation saying thing like my sister has the mind of a 2 year old or she is slow childish the list goes on but me now of days i just sit back and listen we all have issues we nee to fix but blasting me in front of your friends just to feel better about who you are that does not get you very far in life I feel like this she quickly points the finger at me for my mistakes but why not talk about the mistakes she hat made I am sure she has made quite a few in her life time to sit and criticize me but all I can do is sit back and wait her time will come and when it does all can do for her is stand there and shake my head because there will come a time when she will need me to do something but I will keep my head up keep a smile on my face and carry on because she is just doing her so she says but I know my heart and were I stand in a lot of things but the she sees other people is crazy why sit up there and say what you want to say in front of your so called friends just to get a laugh and I think about it all I am is one big joke to her all my life is to her is one big joke she knocks me down just to get kicks she will get more than her fill soon I understand I understand that I have done a lot bullshit in my life time but to her my life is on show at the nearest arena like get your tickets now just saying but its her problem is just that hers so what ever her problem is she bitter about the past or what because we use were cool as kids but I guess life got her now every things twisted...

I get so much life out every one here right now one here my brother is here from Cali and his friends are got the grill going my aunt and Unk here from the Chi I am in heaven right now I love it I really do my new little baby cuz here and it maybe rainy outside i but fuck that its all good you know its Gucci ! this blog maybe short but I'm loving it !!!..

I maybe 29 but I am feeling 22 putting away all the the things that have been through why must I dwell in the pass when I can live in the present I'm guessing no stressing at times now I feel like the future is bright and I know in my heart that every will be all right can't don't won't fight this feeling that feeling were every thing feels real and life is so appealing haters don't bother everything now is technicolor malty color bold big brighter hot like fire LIFE lifting me high then higher never gonna retire nor expire from this feeling no one can bring down from this sweet sensation its a revelation with no hesitation YES!! I love it place nothing above hated or love it !!.  

I don't understand why ever sense my mothers relative got her from Jacksonville its been crazy in the sense of him driving me fucking crazy he don't when to shut up it seems like he good at telling other people what to do in they house but can't control his own don't know why that it I understand you here to help my mother but he  come over her and it seems like he gets helpless its crazy how you call your self trying to help but have to call me for damn near everything I don't get at all ?..
And my mother I have been helping her out ever sense she was in the hospital and she has the nerve to say "You don't do any thing any way" its like she can't show any appreciation for any thing I do for her I call my self try to do for he I put up with it cause she is my mother I won't say I have a choice because do I can carry my ass home and when and when she does need someone who gone be there the way I see it is appreciate what you got now because once its gone its gone at first I enjoyed helping her but it seems lately she has become a a little over barring to me she did say thank you but what does that really mean coming from her I am just trying to show her gratitude eve though I may have put her through hell for so long I just wanted to show her thanks.    

I FUCKIN LOVE LIFE I LOVE IT!!!!! first of the good thing are the best thing to me I am sitting here with my peoples having a great time with my sister yeah at time she can be a bitch but i lover her I guess she has her moment were she can be cool and fun or funny and my cousin is so amusing but me i just sit back and soak up every thing like a sponge at times I like to do so because because its weird to me how someone who act like there better than or put you down for whatever act or are I may not have it everything but grateful for what I got and who I am don't wanna be any one else I am smart creative funny and the list goes on but anyway enough of that right now life is jungle and I am on the prow for any thing that enlightens me like the conversation i am listening to right now between my sister my cousins and my mother all I have to do is pay attention to my surroundings and learn from it all just think of me as a student and there the teachers so what ever they are discussing let me sit back and take notes right now there talking about there friendship this is not to put any one down or to dog anyone out it more like me not being like when it comes to them I don't blend in with there mix like oil and water I am water to there oil that why a round them I laugh because at time some of the stuff they say maybe funny but that's just that I am more into poetry or in art or even more so into spoken word to were I express myself differently than she may she is more so out spoken outgoing so just like she looks at me differently I see her differently I see her as this classy personality type to were as me I am more so I rather write my thoughts and feeling in the form poetry or spoken word through my art work or what have you that just how we are ...  

as far as the highs and lows of life goes my favorite thing about my life is the good times i exclude the bad because its the good times that mean the most to me rather its helping my mom in her time of need or giving my nieces and nephews something fun to do for the summer I enjoy the time I get to spend with them my sister acts like she don't care she has my cousin watch her son so that they won't turn out like but in my heart that wrong they are some good kids these last past two weeks I have spent time with them yes my oldest niece can be a smart mouth like she grown and running things but under the that so called tough exterior I know she is crying out for just one person to listen to her and what she has to say I was there when she was growing up ever sense she was born  her mother act like she did not give a damn about them she has three kids and I think its so sad how there mother wanted what she wanted now my parents have custody of all three and to me its sad because the little baby she is soon to be six and yet she don't know even who her mother is and that's to damn sad the mother was ready to give her to anyone and know she wants her kids back when she did not want them in the first place because all she is is a big ass hoe slash pot head its like she fallows were ever the weed is if she was half the mother she needs to be or is suppose to be she would pick her self up and get her self together completely and if she was a real mother and she really wanted them back she would get off her ass and fight to get them back but in actuality she don't want them she is still to busy being the bitch she know she can be and to me that is crazy
to me just like the saying goes "IT TAKES A REAL WOMEN TO BE A MOTHER!" because when I do decide to have kids I would want my babies father to be in my child's life no matter what ! I feel that I have both parents in my life growing up I feel like I would like the same for  my kids but also I do admire those single parents doing for them selves and for the sake of the baby either with out or with out help from a man and at times a man with out the help of a women I give all of a thumbs up for doing what they gotta do to take care of home or go back to school striving to make better way for them and that child I may not have kids at all but I see single parents doing what they gotta do to strive for something better and love seeing that I say that because its inspiring their out there out there working nine to five to keep food on the table clothes on there kids back and shoes on their feet and much more then you have the ones out there that don't give a damn they want what they want and now a days you got babies you have babies having babies and the baby daddy don't want nothing to do with that its all fucked up to me my question would why they wanna make excuses instead of owning up to responsibility and that's getting the kid wrapped up in a dispute that he/she should not be involved in that.that kid never asked to be here but their are but it seams like the child is involved at times and it pisses me off to hear shit like that if your mad at the father that who you get mad at not the child period point blank .